Aftermath
by blindredeyes
Summary: You've seen her happy; You've seen her sad You've seen her laugh; You've seen her cry Now watch as her sanity slips in the Aftermath of destruction... [Warning! Self harm, suicidal thought and blood]


**A/N**: A sequal to 'Monster'. It is an experimental style which I had read over other archieve i.e second person style. It makes you feel everything the character goes through. I think its a success. Do tell me how is it.

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><p><strong>Aftermath<strong>

**I'M ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND**

This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. That was supposed to be simple mission. That wasn't how it was supposed to go.

You slowly enter the shower with a lost look. Your body is drenched ij blood. You limp pitifully since the bullet in your thigh has not found a way out. Your cheeks are scrapped, lips are split. Your body is burned in everynook and cranny due to the brunt of blast you took. You are leaving behind a trail of blood everywhere you go. All the wounds in your body try to close up for self healing, but half a dozen of bullets embedded in your body makes it painfully impossible. It's a miracle that you are still alive and can walk altogether.

The mission was supposed to go happy and dandy. It was supposed to be track, find, kill and out. That was how it was supposed to go. But events did not turn out as it was supposed to. You beat yourself up, you should have known that it wouldn't go as planned. You were supposed to murder only those low life scums of earth. You were supposed to kill only them, so that they would never hurt your child again. But no, it didn't go as it was supposed to. And is driving you nuts. All your life, you had prided yourself for your judgement, your control, your...

And today, you failed it. You feel as if you are not fit for your position. It no longer belongs to you.

You crash dazedly against the cold tiled wall. Cries of pain and despair resonate in your mind. You scream louder to out-scream those cries in your head. You don't succeed. Your legs can not hold you up anylonger. Those innocent eyes pierce your soul.

**YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG**

You want to hear her voice. She has been gone for far too long. You scream again. You scream her name.

"FERALLLLLLL"

You want to hear her scolding you for screwing up so badly. You want to hear anything except the cries of despair of the child you unintentionally orphaned.

Feral had been your constant companion all your life. She had been there for your whole life but now, when you need her most, she is not. You can not stand this. You want anything to drive away those horrible memories. You feel like drowning. Internally, you are trying to do anything, any-damn-thing, to retain your sanity. But...but its slipping.

You want to hear her angry snarls, you want to have your regular banters. You want to have your regular fights which you always pegged as 'loose mind' and 'nutters'.

You can not face your colleuges. You are no longer fit to be their leader.

You are ashamed that during the momentary lapse of judgement, you killed an innocent couple, who happened to be in wrong place in wrong time. And your vengeance, your thirst for the blood of your enemy left behind an orphan. The same age you lost your family, so long ago. In her scared and tear filled eyes you could see your whole  
>life playing out like a movie.<p>

All of sudden you can not breathe, you can not see. Memories of killing the innocent bystander haunts you and you are scared. Oh! what would you give to hear your irritating, bypolar conscience's voice again. Anything to drive this madness.

**I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME**

You can not hear the commotion outside. All you can see is their horror struck face as breath leaves their lungs. As the young mother fearfully tries to cover her child. All that you can see is their sinless blood splattered across your chest. Their blood stain that stands out from among the others. Other who were cold blooded criminals who were your targets.

Remembering the blood, you try to remove that stain. You cannot stand the blood of innocent on your hands. Killing criminals is one thing for you but that is a real crime. You hastily remove your top, jarring your wounds and throw it across the bathroom. Your chest is paining. And you let out a wail of agony.

Your wounds does not hurt. You can not feel the bullets. But the tears of that young child burn your soul. You cry and cry and cry. Never in your life have you felt this helpless. You hate yourself. You loathe your existance. You wonder why can't you just die. That would be fucking relieving. You just want it to be over. You can literally feel your mind cracking and its fragment floating away from you. You want to hold onto it, you want to right the wrong you have caused but that seems impossible. Grief has clouded your intelligence, decision making power. It is slowly consuming you. Never have you felt this type of pain.

You had vowed that no other would go through whay you had to, atleast because of you. You know you can not die. But you wonder how will you live with guilt. As your sanity slips a bit more, you wonder how much time do you have.

**I NEED A DOCTOR**  
><strong>CALL ME DOCTOR<strong>

You look around, whole bathroom is mirrored. As you stare at your reflection, you do not see a snow haired, white eyes beauty filled with pride and determination. Right now you see a monster the world said you were. A monster drenched in blood, head to toe.

**You hate YOURSELF**

**You HATE YOURSELF**

**YOU HATE YOURSELF**

You hate your reflection

You hate it

The mirror is showing you your reflection

So you hate the mirror

You hate the mirror

So you break it

You smash it into pieces, you smash every mirror with your fist. Your knuckles bleed. You wonder why isn't your blood cold. You are finally a cold blooded murderer afterall. You wonder why doesn't your blood black, Evil Black.

You feel the pain but you don't feel it either. You start to feel numb. You smile a madman's smile. You have found a solution. This physical pain is numbing your mental anguish. You spot a big piece of mirror a few feet away. You crawl to it. Cutting your palms and knees on shards that are scattered all over the place. You finally grab the piece and sit against the bath tub. You can no longer distinguish right from wrong. You have simply lost it.

You pin your left hand on the wall and impale your palm with the shard. Its pinned to the wall effectively. You cry out. But you smile as it's sudden pain numbs your brain. You are freeing yourself from that soul tearing agony. You forcefully try to pull it out but your hands are shaking. It breaks. You shove it in again. Crying out loud, you know it hit your veins. You feel dizzy. But still you know, you don't die, because you can't. You are cursed to live with this remorse. For eternity if possible.

You don't hear someone banging on the door. You are on the verge on passing out. You blink a few times as your vision gets unfocused every next second. You cannot sit upstraight anymore and crash like a dead-weight. You fall on broken glasses. They pierce your already marred skin. But you don't feel pain anymore. They don't hurt. You're going numb. You are tired. Physically and mentally, Both.

You don't hear the door breaking open. You don't hear someone's shocked scream of your name. Your sense are leaving you. You mumble your apology. You feel like being suspended in space while in reality, someone has picked you up. You get a feeling that your love is crying. He is scared that he will lose you. But you are unaware of that. You hear faint sound, so far away, though he is right beside you. But you know he is there, you can feel him. You say that you are sorry.

Sorry for wasting his love on such a pathetic woman like you. You say sorry to your friends for putting them through this. Sorry to the kid for killing her parents.

You hear some unclear words like you don't need to be sorry for anything, that he loves you, that your family is there for you, that you will go through and tackle these stuff together and not leave them. But your hazy mind doesn't understand. You are too deep in your grief. You want to give up.

**I NEED A DOCTOR**  
><strong>DOCTOR<strong>

But through all of your dulling senses, you feel salty tear on your bruised lips and you can taste his sorrow. You know it's him. Now you feel horrible. You think, how can you make him go through this heartbreak. Your slowing heart gives a voilent jolt as electricity coarses through your body. You want to snap at them for trying to save you. So you open your eyes, atleast try to.

They feel heavy.

Then you see him. He is crying. His lips move but you can not hear his voice. But you can clearly make out him saying 'I love you, don't leave me'. And you don't want to die. You try to breathe. Which is the most difficult task right now. You want to live again, you try to not die. You see only him.

From the corner of your eye you make out the hazy figure of your friend as she gives jolts after jolts of electricity to keep your heart from failing. You don't want to give up anymore. You want to right every wrong.

You have to.

You must.

But you can't seem to able to breathe. If you fail you won't die, but you won't be alive either. You don't want that. But you can not find motivation strong enough to live. He needs you but your broken body is failing. You mouth your 'Sorry' to him. For the last time.

**TO BRING ME BACK TO LIFE**

But all of sudden you feel being snatched back into your body. It refuses to give up as sudden wail of your child tears through the night sky.

You found your will to live.  
>You found your reason to live.<p>

You are **BACK**

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><p><strong>AN:** I hope you understood and enjoyed it too. Still, let me explain it briefly. Night/Sayo/Jay is heavily disturbed after killing an innocent couple by mistake and has suicidal thoughts about how she wants to die. But at last the cry of of her child makes her want to live and she does.

Well drop me review, there is a tiny button somewhere down there.


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